our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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