my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
