Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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