HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
