Dual....:-)
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
