Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize