First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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