I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you will always have a special place in my vag
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
