and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The Olympian is in my bed
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