I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
