I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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