hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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