dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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