in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
