After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
