Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
