Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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