Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
