I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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