yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
nutella sex= disaster
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
