your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
