Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
