I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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