If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
