Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
