the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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