OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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