When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
