party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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