So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
