I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize