what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
