Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
