I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
