we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
