This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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