We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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