He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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