my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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