Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
worst night to have a conscience
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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