There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
