Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
