so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
