Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
