So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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