Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
