you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize