That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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