just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize