all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
