my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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