the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
