alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
