Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
