Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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