I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
