Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
