Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
