I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
