the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She told me I should be a condom model.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize