too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
