She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
