This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
