haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize