just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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