how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
