I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
