I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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