I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
