I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
