You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
smell my finger.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
ok first of all what the fuck
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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