I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
