you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
