She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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