2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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