I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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