my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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