hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
