There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
