JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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