normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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