I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
