Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
