You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
