In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
