you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
