If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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