My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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