Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
