explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
