i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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