I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
