I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
