I just made out with a guy for $7.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
