let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
